Why is the term “douche bag” offensive? I just don’t get it. Who coined that term and made it into something derogatory? First of all, it’s corny as hell and I can think of much more damning names to call someone. How about punk-ass ___, bitch-ass ___, son of a bitch, punk mother _____, etc. The list could go on and on but how is you calling me a douche bag offensive? I know that it is meant in a funny kind of way but it still has a negative connotation to it. I don’t think it is that bad of a thing and of course I am going to tell you why!
Isn’t a douche bag part of the little applicator that helps to clean that special place on a woman? Doesn’t it make her feel fresh? I’m all for that. It isn’t a bad thing to help her feel fresh and smell like a mountain breeze. Metaphorically, I help to cleanse and purify a woman so she can feel better about herself. I clear the way for other objects, body parts, toys, etc. to have a safe and clean journey into the Holiest of Holes. I would hate for her to be funky down there. When she isn’t feeling so fresh she might think of me and my brethren that risk our lives for her freshness. She may smile when she picks us up off of the shelves. Doesn’t the lady on the box look so damn happy? Even as I am emptied into her vaginal walls I would know that I risked my life for the greater good of her vagina. That my friends, isn’t a bad thing at all. A douche bag is a Kamikaze fighter in the war against foul p*ssy! We will die to save for the freedom of fresh p*ssy all over the world! A fresh kat is a happy kat…..
(I am aware that overuse or improper use of us can cause other problems and there are heath risks, blah, blah, blah. We’re douche bags, we’re not perfect!)
As you read this, please, please remove the term “douche bag” from your vocabulary. If you want to insult someone, call them a “colostomy bag” or something. Wouldn’t that be more fitting? If you call someone that you would be letting them know that they are full of sh*t, smell like sh*t, or just a “sh*tty” person. I mean, I guess if you know someone that is a “colostomy bag” you can give them sh*t, work the sh*t out of them, burden them with your sh*t, or talk sh*t to them all the time and they would gladly accept it. Tell me, isn’t that a much more fitting term? Try it!
I will end this diatribe now but again I implore you, let the negative connotations to the douche bag die an honorable death. Going forward, let this phrase drop from your lips with love and compassion. Let those who you love know that you love their douche bagness. We have come so far and done so much against the war on stankin’-ass kat. Ladies, it would be an honor and a privilege to be your douche bag!
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2 comments:
HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello Sean,I wanted to make you aware that the connotation douche bag comes from back in the day. You remember the big red douche bag aka hot water bottle aka ice pack that hang on the shower rail in the bathroom that had the stiffling smell of vinegar. It was also used to give an enema. So when someone is called a douch bag it is simply saying that you are so messed up you can be used over and over and over again and you think it's normal that you ain't 'bout $#!+. Nothing like the lady on the box who gave it up and is swinging cause she is happy her coochie don't stank no mo!
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